| Roller coaster |
Jul 23, 2008 6:12 am
364 Views | My girlfriend wants to marry. With me that is. I, being a guy, am still pushing away her boat of wishes. Not that I don't love her, because I do love her like life itself, but because I have fears. I am not from a perfect family and having experienced that, it always let me to believe I was worth nothing and no one would ever being able to love me. And if they did, then in time they would see something disliking about me and still leave. Reality is of course not always the same (of which I am glad), but the negative self image has been embedded within my mind for as long as I can remember.
So marriage.. I love her and I do want to be with her, but I rather just live together first. It is a common thing in Holland, but due to circumstances it isn't possible this time. So I have the choice between hiding behind my fears or just taking the leap and see what happens.
My girlfriend is Chinese and I must admit a Chinese wedding does sound interesting. It is different and for certain a one-in-a-lifetime experience. So for the past months I've been thinking about it. I know I would please my girlfriend and her family if I would take the big step. And I know if I don't do it, I will be postponing forever. But sometimes the fear takes over and I get doubts. What if all goes wrong? And where can I go if I have nothing left anymore? Maybe I just need to see what happens and look ahead. Just raising my head and looking forward and trying to be the best person I can be.
I've given myself till the 9th of September next year. So I still have time and I heard a 9 means 'luck' in China, so that is what I need.
Sometimes love can be tough. It can be a roller coaster. But even with that it looks scary at first but in the end we always survive. So maybe I should take that roller coaster and already start enjoying the line I'm in, waiting for it. | |
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