| An Italian in London |
Mar 15, 2008 3:43 pm
1000 Views | A friend of mine forward this to me, I want to share with you:
The Italiano tourist wrote a complaint letter to the Manager of a hotel in London. The letter read as follows :
Dear Signor Diretorre,
Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as a young man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? I calla down the Receptione and tell: " I wanna shit".They tella me " Go to the toillett ". I said " No, no. I wanna Shit in my bed ".
They said " You betta not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch". What is sonnawabitch?!
I go down to ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and eggs and Two pisses of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress and
point to toast " I wanna piss ". She tella me " Go to the toillett ". I say " No, no. I wanna piss on my plate ". She then say to me " You bloody fella better not piss on the plate,you sonnawabitch ". Second person who do not even know me and call me sonnawabitch! What is sonnawabitch?
Later I go dinner into restorante. Spoon and knife is laid but no fock. I tella waitress " I wanna fock ", and she tella me " Sure everybody wanna fock". I tell her " No, No. You don't understand me. I wanna fock on the table".She then tell me " So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here! "
So I go to the receptione and ask for bills. I no wanna stay in your hotel no more.
When I have pay the bills,The porter say to me " Thank you and piss to be with you ". I say " Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch ". I go back to
Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella, You sonnawabitch !
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Have a nice weekend all of you....
Yours
Grace  | |
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10 Comments | |
| Lessons in Logic!!!!!!! ...... |
Mar 5, 2008 12:14 am
986 Views | If your father is a poor man,
is not your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity. 
Practice makes perfect...
But nobody's perfect....
so why practice? 
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for???
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak. 
Money is not everything!
There's Mastercard&Visa!!! 
Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry.
And when they marry, they become otherwise.
"Your future depends on your dreams!"
So go to sleep!
"Hard work never killed anybody!"
But why take the risk.
"Work fascinates me!"
I can look at it for hours.
The more you learn, the more you know,
the more you know, the more you forget,
the more you forget, the less yu know,
So... why learn???
Hope you could  for weekend is soo far 
Grace | |
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4 Comments | |
| The way I feel!!!!!!!!!! |
Feb 18, 2008 8:51 am
1136 Views |  | I know your backs against the wall.
Nothing is easy, the world is closing in.
But you won't let me fall, you keep on fightin', you don't give in.
One day I'll give to you, all that you deserve.
You are the sweetest thing, living on this Earth.
If I am lost upon the ocean, youll be my guiding star to lead me to dry land.
And on the beach we'll walk together drawing circles in the sand.
In the name of love, now and forever, always there for me.
But when the time is right, you'll be the first one to set me free.
And when I spread my wings, you'll teach me how to fly.
Although your heart will break the day we say goodbye.
If I am lost upon the ocean, youll be my guiding star to lead me to dry land.
And on the beach we'll walk together drawing circles in the sand.
God only knows where I am going.
What kind of man, I will become.
But when I stand alone, out there in the world, one thing
I know will never change, I love you, and I will forever and a day.
If I am lost upon the ocean, youll be my guiding star to lead me to dry land.
And on the beach we'll walk together drawing circles in the sand.
Circles in the sand.
=======================
to find on youtube
by Declan Galbraith
=======================
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2 Comments | |
| I can't help laughing!!!!!!!! |
Feb 15, 2008 1:20 am
1019 Views |  | Dolls in a man's life........
1........His Daughter,
'Baby doll' 
2...... ...His Mistress,
'Barbie Doll'
3........His Wife,
'Panadol'
Have a nice weekend, all of you!!!
Grace  |
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1 comment | |
| The Porch!!! ...LLOOOLLLLLL |
Feb 12, 2008 4:29 am
1138 Views |  | A blonde, wanting to earn some money, went to the front door of a house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" he said.
"How about $50?" the blonde said.
The man agreed and told her the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect the money.
"You are finished already?" he said.
"Yes," the blonde said, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."
Hope you enjoyed guys |
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2 Comments | |
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| Kalorienregeln zu Weihnachten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Dec 5, 2007 11:12 pm
2266 Views | Hallo Ihr Lieben-Liebenden! Alle Jahre wieder kommt Wiehnachten zu uns...LOL..hier was zum Schmunzeln:
Die Kalorienregeln zu Weihnachten – zum Aufhängen am Kühlschrank!
Da wir uns ja nun der Weihnachtszeit nähern, ist es wichtig sich an die Kalorienregeln zu erinnern:
1. Wenn du etwas isst und keiner sieht es, dann hat es keine Kalorien.
2. Wenn du eine Light-Limonade trinkst und dazu eine Tafel Schokolade isst, dann werden die Kalorien in der Schokolade von der Light-Limonade vernichtet.
3. Wenn du mit anderen zusammen isst, zählen nur die Kalorien, die du mehr isst als die anderen.
4. Essen, welches zu medizinischen Zwecken eingenommen wird, z.B. heiße Schokolade, Rotwein, Cognac, zählt NIE.
5. Je mehr du diejenigen mästest, die täglich rund um dich sind, desto schlanker wirkst du selbst!
6. Essen, welches als ein Teil von Unterhaltung verzehrt wird (Popcorn, Erdnüsse, Limonade, Schokolade oder Zuckerln), z.B. beim Videoschauen oder beim Musikhören, enthält keine Kalorien, da es ja nicht als Nahrung aufgenommen wird, sondern nur als Teil der Unterhaltung.
7. Kuchenstücke oder Gebäck enthalten keine Kalorien, wenn sie gebrochen und Stück für Stück verzehrt werden, weil das Fett verdampft, wenn es aufgebrochen wird.
8. Alles, was von Messern, aus Töpfen oder von Löffeln geleckt wird, während man Essen zubereitet, enthält keine Kalorien, weil es ja Teil der Essenszubereitung ist.
9. Essen mit der gleichen Farbe hat auch den gleichen Kaloriengehalt (z.B. Tomaten und Erdbeermarmelade, Pilze und weiße Schokolade).
10. Speisen, die eingefroren sind, enthalten keine Kalorien, da Kalorien eine Wärmeeinheit sind.
Lass es Euch schmecken!!!!
Liebe Grüsse
Grace | |
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0 Comments | |
| Joke sharing is better than job sharing!!! .. LOL |
Dec 4, 2007 2:09 am
2204 Views | A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends,sisters or ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky | |
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4 Comments | |
| HAPPY 1st ADVENT TO ALL!!!!!!!!!! |
Dec 1, 2007 12:20 pm
2262 Views | This was a mail send to me by one of my best friends yesterday. I haven't come across something so good to read for long...sharing it with you..every time I've read it, something new strikes my mind.
1. Listen to your body's wisdom, which expresses itself through signals of comfort and discomfort. When choosing a certain behavior, ask your body, "How do you feel about this?" If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, watch out. If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness, proceed.
2. Live in the present, for it is the only moment you have. Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment. Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let it go. The present is as it should be. It reflects infinite laws of Nature that have brought you this exact thought, this exact physical response. This moment is as it is because the universe is as it is. Don't struggle against the infinite scheme of things; instead, be at one with it.
3. Take time to be silent, to meditate, to quiet the internal dialogue. In moments of silence, realize that you are re-contacting your source of pure awareness. Pay attention to your inner life so that you can be guided by intuition rather than externally imposed interpretations of what is or isn't good for you.
4. Relinquish your need for external approval. You alone are the judge of your worth, and your goal is to discover infinite worth in yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks. There is great freedom in this realization.
5. When you find yourself reacting with anger or opposition to any person or circumstance, realize that you are only struggling with yourself. Putting up resistance is the response of defenses created by old hurts. When you relinquish this anger, you will be healing yourself and cooperating with the flow of the universe.
6. Know that the world "out there" reflects your reality "in here". The people you react to most strongly, whether with love or hate, are projections of your inner world. What you most hate is what you most deny in yourself. What you most love is what you most wish for in yourself. Use the mirror of relationships to guide your evolution. The goal is total self-knowledge. When you achieve that, what you most want will automatically be there, and what you most dislike will disappear.
7. Shed the burden of judgment - you will feel much lighter. Judgment imposes right and wrong on situations that just are. Everything can be understood and forgiven, but when you judge, you cut off understanding and shut down the process of learning to love. In judging others, you reflect your lack of self-acceptance. Remember that every person you forgive adds to your self-love.
8. Don't contaminate your body with toxins, either through food, drink, or toxic emotions. Your body is more than a life-support system. It is the vehicle that will carry you on the journey of your evolution. The health of every cell directly contributes to your state of well being, because every cell is a point of awareness within the field of awareness that is you.
9. Replace fear-motivated behavior with love-motivated behavior. Fear is the product of memory, which dwells in the past. Remembering what hurt us before, we direct our energies toward making certain that an old hurt will not repeat itself. But trying to impose the past on the present will never wipe out the threat of being hurt. That happens only when you find the security of your own being, which is love. Motivated by the truth inside you, you can face any threat because your inner strength is invulnerable to fear.
10. Understand that the physical world is just a mirror of a deeper intelligence. Intelligence is the invisible organizer of all matter and energy, and since a portion of this intelligence resides in you, you share in the organizing power of the cosmos. Because you are inseparably linked to everything, you cannot afford to foul the planet's air and water. But at a deeper level, you cannot afford to live with a toxic mind, because every thought makes an impression on the whole field of intelligence. Living in balance and purity is the highest good for you and the Earth.
LOVE AND PEACE!!!!
Grace | |
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6 Comments | |
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