| Man fears .... |
Jun 9, 2008 4:11 am
532 Views | A man was riding his motorbike on the motorway at 120 km an hour, a policeman also on a motorbike sped after him and pulled him over,
Police man,,"Sir now you were travelling at an excessive speed there, can you give me one good reason for this?"
Man says,," Well officer, 20 years ago my wife ran off with a traffic cop"
Policeman,,"And what has this got to do with you speeding?"
Man replies....I thought you were bringing her back to me,,,, 
 
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Grace  | |
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3 Comments | |
| The Fragrance Of The Rose!!!!!!! ... |
Jun 5, 2008 6:48 am
565 Views | There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his line After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose
deeply and then say the line: Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he is practicing his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." 
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!" 
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" 
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!" 
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Grace | |
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2 Comments | |
| FUNNY LOGICS!!!!!! |
Jun 5, 2008 3:28 am
529 Views | I found them funny, hope you will enjoy as well:
1 . If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
2 . Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.
3 . Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration!
4 . Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
5 . He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
6 . A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
7 . So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!
8 . Only 20 percent girls have brains, rest have boyfriends!
9 . All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
Last But Not The Least..
The Best One...
10. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!
Grace  | |
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1 comment | |
| The Boss... LOL ....!!!! |
Jun 3, 2008 9:26 am
562 Views | A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?".
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"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ." | |
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| English language is really expressive..LOL..a MUST read..LOL |
May 31, 2008 8:18 am
617 Views | 1. Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
2. At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
3. Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
4. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
5. In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
6. On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
7. In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
8. The best! In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
9. Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
10. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
11. Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
12. Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
13. A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
14. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
15. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
16. The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
17. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
18. In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
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Have a nice weekend ALL of you!!!
ust as I enoy mine
Grace | |
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9 Comments | |
| A nice poem .......... |
May 27, 2008 3:43 am
412 Views | Wrapped in veil of time
I searched for a place to have a peaceful sleep
I have been walking for long
Carrying with me a bundle of unsung songs
And some dreams
Which, I have seen with open eyes
While I was in the greens.
Dreams so fragile,
That I couldn’t even share
In every dream you were there, everywhere
I thought of living my dreams
You and me , humming the songs
From beginning to end
While building a castle
For ‘our ‘ dream
But, so fragile were my dreams
That only place they could stay
Were the eyes that saw them
I closed my eyes
So that my dreams find a restful sleep
With the songs which
Will remain unsung ever and long…….
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A friend send this poem to me, want to share.
Enjoy!
Grace | |
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0 Comments | |
| Are 25" really too much???? |
May 24, 2008 1:49 am
565 Views | A man with a 25-inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is too long. "Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you out." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25-inches long and I can't get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?"
The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond, you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. First you must ask the frog, will you marry me? Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be five inches shorter."
The man's face lights up and he dashes off into the forest. He calls out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"
The frog looks at him dejectedly and replies, "NO!"
The man looks down and suddenly his penis is 5 inches shorter. "Wow," he screams out loud, "This is great!!" But he is still too long at 20 inches, so he asks the frog again." "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouts.
The frog rolls its eyes back in its head and screams back, "NO!"
The man feels another twitch in his penis, looks down, and it's another 5 inches shorter. The man laughs, "This is fantastic." He looks down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflects for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looks across the pond and yells out, "Frog, will you marry me?"
The frog looks back across pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, and for the last time, NO!" 
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Did everyone of you counted the NO's???
Hope you enjoyed...
Grace | |
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6 Comments | |
| A QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
May 18, 2008 4:03 am
712 Views | Why do all hurricanes have female names???
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ANSWER:
Cuz they blow, when they come and take your house, when go!!!!!!
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Have a hurricane free weekend!!
Grace | |
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8 Comments | |
| Some quotes.... LOL!!! |
May 9, 2008 2:44 am
583 Views | I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Henny Youngman
'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.'
Sam Kinison
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
James Holt McGavran
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
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Have a nice weekend!!!!!
Grace | |
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0 Comments | |
| THE SURROGATE FATHER!!!!! |
May 4, 2008 12:41 pm
639 Views | The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to --"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too . . . you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, my, that's a lot of . . of . . !!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith faintly.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling; I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your . . . um . . equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work"
"Tripod???!!"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long . . . Madam? Madam? . . .. Good Lord, she's fainted!"
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Have a nice week ahead all of you!
Grace  | |
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0 Comments | |
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