| Some quotes.... LOL!!! |
May 9, 2008 2:44 am
117 Views | I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Henny Youngman
'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.'
Sam Kinison
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
James Holt McGavran
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
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Have a nice weekend!!!!!
Grace  | |
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0 Comments | |
| THE SURROGATE FATHER!!!!! |
May 4, 2008 12:41 pm
190 Views | The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to --"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too . . . you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!" 
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, my, that's a lot of . . of . .  !!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith faintly.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling; I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your . . . um . . equipment?" 
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work"
"Tripod???!!"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long . . . Madam? Madam? . . .. Good Lord, she's fainted!" 
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Have a nice week ahead all of you! 
Grace  | |
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0 Comments | |
| WIFE WANTED!!!!! ....... LOL |
May 2, 2008 1:14 am
182 Views | A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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Have a nice weekend!!!!!!
Grace  | |
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0 Comments | |
| Always tell your wife the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Apr 30, 2008 10:08 am
294 Views | A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.
He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!" 
Moral of the story : Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway.
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Cheers
Grace  | |
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4 Comments | |
| Wives!!!!!! .................. |
Apr 27, 2008 12:26 am
299 Views | A wife decides to take her husband to Teazers for his birthday .
They arrive at Teazers Club and the doorman says, "Howzit Raymond ! How're you doing?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Raymond. "He's on my squash team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Raymond if he'd like his usual and brings over a Castle beer.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Castle?"
"She's in the Ladies' Squash team, babe. We play in the same league."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Raymond, and says "Hi Raymond. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Raymond's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Raymond follows and spots her getting into a taxi. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The taxi driver turns his head and says,
"Looks like you picked up a real b(i)tch tonight, Raymond."
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In case your saturday was like that, so enjoy the sunday, guys!!!!!
Grace ..LOL | |
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| Teacher...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL... |
Apr 26, 2008 4:03 am
308 Views | A little boy was doing his maths homework.
He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in maths?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son
of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
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Have a nice weekend ...
Grace | |
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1 comment | |
| Happy Secretary's Day!!!!! |
Apr 22, 2008 11:45 pm
357 Views | A certain Senator was sitting in his attorney's office.
His lawyer said, "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first," said the Senator.
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked the Senator incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
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Grace | |
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1 comment | |
| When we get older...(take it easy)..LOL |
Apr 20, 2008 8:00 am
362 Views | An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
***************
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: " Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
***************
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
***************
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure "
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast ?"
**************
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
**************
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
*************
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."
***********
One more. .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
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Well, guys, lets hope atleast this blog will appear and you will have a good laugh with.
Grace | |
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1 comment | |
| GFF blog section!!!! |
Apr 19, 2008 5:52 am
382 Views | Dear, admin,
what is wrong with you??? Why it takes over 48 hours to post a blog???
It's not the first time tough. Is there any tarfic-jam?? .. LOL
Yours Grace | |
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2 Comments | |
| BRAVE MEN (hilarious) .... !!!!!!!! |
Apr 17, 2008 6:57 am
355 Views | What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: 'You're next, fatty.'
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Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache.'
Wife replies: 'I think you'll find that is a sheep.'
Man replies: 'I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep.'
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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, 'What are you doing?'
She answers, 'I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.' Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year'.
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Hope you did like it guys. Wishing you a very nice weekend!!!
Grace | |
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